((inspired by role play stories between lostnolonger and world_made_free))
‘How can I believe this person who has stood before me was once the very man who had tended my wounds upon my return to Asgard so long ago? The caring son of Odin that I once knew, though his smiles were rare and he often was seeking solitude there were things about him which captivated me. There was something about
him that stole my heart long before I knew I had one to give freely. How could this creature of mystery and beauty who had interfered in my marriage to another, have become such a… Monster?
I had long stood by his side through everything. The nights we shared had been nothing short of wondrous, and now I dread the very thought of laying my eyes upon him. Did he ever know what I used to see in him? I never spoke every word of what I felt, I knew his desire to hear sentiments was never great.
Sighing, the dark haired warrior ran her bone thin fingers through her curled strands. She had noticed the changes within her features, the dullness which her skin and hair had taken on, the darkness of her attire, the thinning of her once athletic form. He had not been the only one who had changed, his absence in her life caused this, caused her to wither into a frail being. How she wished he had chosen to plunge that dagger into her lifeless breast, ending to her heartache and oft times silent misery.
‘I wish I could turn back the sands of time, return them to their proper place so that I could save him from this terrible fate which he worked upon himself. I wish I had told him that when we were alone, when we were ourselves, the light in his eyes, the simple smile he would share with me.. That.. It was all more beautiful than the whole of Asgard.
I would trade anything to have that back. As much as I curse myself for feeling this way, there is still love within my fragile, old heart. I wish it were enough to bring back my love, bring back the reason I continued to exist for so long. I miss my husband, and though they too despise the being he has become, our children do long for their father.
Closing her eyes, Sigyn was soon startled by the hand of Frigga upon her shoulder. She had become so flighty in the days since Loki had returned to all of them. If there had been no one else to turn to, Sigyn would have been completely alone. But it was Frigga who had picked up the pieces in Loki’s absence. She spent the days urging her to eat, to get out and live her life until Loki could be returned. Neither of them expected the end results. Sigyn’s sons had spent sleepless nights at their mother’s side as she cried and reached out for someone who wasn’t there. It tore their hearts to watch her clench a vacant pillow into her arms, pressing it to her heart as though it was him.
“I’m sorry.” Frigga’s voice was soft, matronly as it had always been. Carefully the All-Mother slipped an arm around Sigyn’s shoulders. “You have much on your mind.”
“There is always much on my mind.” the dark haired woman answered almost immediately.
“When was the last time you slept? Or ate?” there was obvious concern.
Sigyn hesitated but shook her head. She couldn’t truthfully remember when she had done either. It could have been hours, days, perhaps a week. If she had to be honest with herself she wasn’t sure that it was important any longer. What was the point after all, of living with the misery and pain of a life that had been torn from her?
“You must have something.” again the matronly tone as she tightened her arm around her fragile shoulders and helped her to stand. “I will accompany you, I am sure Sif..”
“I don’t care about Sif!” the tone of her voice was harsher than one she had ever used towards the All-Mother. Frigga, rightly startled took a step back, retracting her arm. Sigyn knew it had been dangerous to get so angered but the mere thought of her fellow warrior sparked a deep seeded fury and jealousy. “I’m sorry… I.. I don’t wish to have company… Please.. Leave me to my thoughts.”
Gathering her dark shawl about herself she hurried from the room she had been occupying. She wasn’t sure how long she could stand this torment, she was screaming inside every day, a screaming that was driving her slowly into madness with each waking hour. And yet she endured, she endured because she still loved him, after all of the things he had done.. After all of the terrible words that had been passed between them.
Entering her chambers she pressed the door closed with her back, her eyes closing to allow long pent up tears to glide over her pale cheeks. The twin drops of moisture felt like ice over her anger warmed flesh. Balling her hands into tight fights she went to her bed, laying upon it only to curl in upon herself. How much she longed to finally waste away, to feel the finality of it all. It was an endless battle, and yet she continued to fight it, he was still her husband and she his wife.
She would endure.
She had to, for her name meant victory.
To give him would be to lose him. To lose him would be to lose herself. To lose them both, she would not achieve that victory.
As with every night as she shed a day’s worth of tears, she made a decision; she would continue to fight for them both.